Big Sister

I'm working on getting Alice's birth story down, but in the meantime, my mom wrote a post on her blog about the day of Alice's birth that I wanted to share here.  She wrote it to Eliza, who was with us the whole day and was right there to welcome her little sister into the world.  So proud of my big girl.

Dear Big Sister,

You did it; you were even there! I can't believe how amazingly wonderful and calm you were through the birth of your sister. When I arrived at your house yesterday morning, I found the whole family sitting on the bed. You were watching Mr. Rogers (the episode about having a baby in the house!) and you were bouncing. But then when your mom would have a pain, you looked over and rubbed her leg. Then you'd bounce again! You were so tender. We stayed on the bed and then I remembered that Grandpa was downstairs and I told you and you disappeared! Happy to see someone devoted just to you, I bet. You showed what a strong girl you are, not just physically this time but emotionally as well.

When we arrived at the hospital, you snacked and watched a nice movie on Mama's computer, took many trips to the family room with Grandpa, read lots of books, played with some toys and stickers that you had brought in your bag and in general acted so, well, responsible. When things got intense, and Mama started to push, I called you and Grandpa into the room again and you sat on the stool next to me. Your mom and dad had prepared you so well. They had you try to lift a table so you could practice the same noises that you might hear in the labor room. You stroked your mom's hair and you didn't seem frightened at all. I kept in contact with you, rubbing your back and talking to you so you'd know everything was OK. It's hard to hear someone you love in pain, isn't it?

Your mom and dad were so glad you were there. Your mom felt better having you close so you could be a part of this whole amazing miracle. Your mom was present for Uncle Reid's birth; she says it was her first memory. She was a bit younger than you, 2 3/4 yr, so you should have a little bit better chance of remembering it. When the head was crowning, your mom's head was in my lap and you were right next to us, leaning way over to see your sister and "she popped out" at 2:06 pm. "Welcome to the world, little girl". (That saying was on your wall in your old house and now is in your sister's room. Your mama made it and it says so much!! - thank you for sharing it.)

Alice Rose looks very different than you. She has a little bit rounder head and face, more like her daddy. Her complexion looks darker too although that is hard to say so early. She was pretty purple when she was born but she got 8, 9 for Apgars. You gave her a little kiss. Grandpa took such good care of you during the whole process. He was there just for you so you could come an go as you pleased. It was so nice that your mama's labor started in the morning so you were rested and could come to the hospital and be part of this.

At 6 pm, I traded the car seat to Uncle Reid's car and you went home to stay overnight with them. You picked their house and tonight you'll stay with me and Grandpa and Orvis of course. You went to the barn to see the horses and I can't wait to hear all about it.

Happy Big Sister Day, love.

Meet Alice.

Introducing Alice Rose!

8 lbs 11 oz

20.5"

born 5/25/13 @ 2:06pm 

We are smitten and big sister is very proud!

(Random) Picture Post

Eliza, my mom and I went to a little Easter egg hunt put on by the healthcare system my mom works for.  They had a waffle breakfast too.  Eliza loved it.

Eliza loves the poster in my midwife's office showing the growing fetus.  Here she's pointing to how big "her baby" was at a recent appointment.

Helping prime the basement walls.

Eliza and one of her BFFs Emma at the zoo.  These two are the cutest.

THE CUTEST! Right?

Dyeing Easter eggs.

The three of us on Easter (zomg I look tired...)

The girl loves her some Lush bath bombs.

Hugging the new carpet in our newly finished basement!

38.5 weeks!

P2's Nursery

When we moved to our new house last year, I quickly did the space-in-the-house-math, and realized that I'd get the privilege of decorating a nursery for (then yet to be conceived) P2!  I didn't think I'd get to do another nursery, so this was fun for me.  I had such a good time decorating a nursery for Eliza in our old house (still miss that room), I was really excited to do it again.

The room is small, much smaller than Eliza's current room (we're thinking they will share Eliza's room at some point), and a bit smaller than her first nursery in our old house, as well.  Initially, I didn't think we'd even be able to fit everything that I wanted to fit in the room.  After a few pregnancy-hormone-related meltdowns about not being able to fit everything in the room, we (Andy) finally found a configuration that would allow for the crib, the glider and a changing table to share the space nicely.  I left the walls the color they were painted when we moved in - partly out of laziness and also because the color started to grow on me the more time I spent in the space.  Decidedly a non-girly shade of blue/gray (a big difference from Eliza's pretty pink nursery walls!), it is a nice, cool color, and I thought if I pulled in some other colors and patterns, I could make it a sweet little room for my second baby girl.  And I think I did just that!

Here are some pics!

Only new decor I splurged on: a butterfly orb from Etsy.  LOVE.

Still love the curtains my mom and I made for Eliza's nursery.  Oh! And the blanket on the glider is a new one my mom knit for P2.  It's made from the most lovely yarn.  It's really beautiful.  And that's a new changing table (thanks to the generosity of my in-laws!), and of course that good old cooshee changing pad.

My handy dad is making us a radiator "cap" that will act as a shelf on top of the radiator to put a few little things (things that won't melt, lol).  That radiator is in bad shape, now that I see it in this photo - eek! Probably should have that repainted at some point.

Isn't that mirror great!?  It was hanging in our basement when we moved in - score!  The curtain is the "door" to the little closet that P2 and mama will have to share.

Speaking of that closet...
(And oh please don't count the number of baby-wearing contraptions you see there.  It's... a sickness)

The only thing I'm not yet satisfied with are the two corner walls above the glider.  None of the wall hanging options I currently have seems to "go" there very well - everything feels too small for the space, and the corner aspect of it is throwing me off (do they have to match? Be symmetric? Or should they be asymmetrical?).  I hung up that sweet little dress in an effort to shake it up a bit and do something other than just hang another picture or picture frame.  I still have two small (5x7") white frames that I could hang somewhere, and I do want to eventually use them for the maternity pics we had taken last weekend.  Any tips anyone can offer are welcome!  Trying hard to do this on a budget and use things we already have (read: TRYING TO STAY OFF ETSY!!).

Baby P2 Update

I'm 38w2d today, so about 2 or 3 weeks left to go!  Eliza was born 8 days after her due date, so if I had to guess, I'd guess that I'll go late, but who knows!  We are more or less ready for her to come (if one is ever ready!?), so I'm not too worried either way.

Overall, this pregnancy has been wonderful, and has been very similar to my pregnancy with Eliza.  I have loved being pregnant and I know I've been SO lucky.  I count my blessings; I know it is not so easy for some women.

I go in on Monday for my next appointment, I'll be nearly 39 weeks.  I don't plan to have my midwife check my cervix until 40 weeks, though.  No need, in my opinion.  UNLESS I'm having contractions or something!  I had a NST on Friday and baby passed easily and quickly, so that was a good feeling.

I'm hoping for a waterbirth, just like we tried for last time.  I know it's out of my control... but I really hope labor is more progressive and a bit faster this time around.  That will help get me through naturally, I think.  I feel like I did great for the first 10 or 12 hours in labor with Eliza, so if baby can come in that amount of time, I think I'll be able to do it.  Eliza was born after about 15-16 hours of labor, which wasn't horrible, but it just wore me out and by 2:00 in the morning I needed an epidural to get me to relax and progress.  I have no regrets about her birth (of course!) and I am happy with the decisions we made.  Just hoping for more efficient progression this time, that's all.

My labor support team will be my midwife, my mom and of course my hubby :)  I couldn't ask for a better team, and I know I can trust the advice and care I will receive.  It's a great feeling, and makes me not stress at all about going into labor or giving birth.  I'm feeling so grateful for the amazing mama I have. Being the daughter of a midwife finally has perks when you're an adult... I'm sure my pre-teen/teenaged self would scoff at this and not believe it could ever be true, but it turns out, it is! :)

I'm hoping to finish up the nursery soon so I can post a few photos.  It's a sweet little room.  We didn't do anything fancy, and reused many of the things from Eliza's nursery.  I just love it and have enjoyed every minute of getting ready for our new baby girl!  The anticipation is so much fun.

Because it's in my nature, I have been somewhat stressed out lately.  My poor mother has had to hear me whine and complain about many topics - and they have all been fairly insignificant things, to be honest. I've just had a way lately of letting my mind get away from me and it's caused me to worry and obsess about things that, well, just aren't things one needs to or should worry about.  First world problems much?  Yep.  So, trying hard to focus on what's really important (enjoying this time with Eliza, relaxing my body and getting enough sleep in preparation for L&D, and picking out a name for this baby, for instance), and not obsess over things that are not (how clean/not clean my house is, whether the cat gets a haircut before I go into labor, whether we have a car seat adaptor for the stroller, how many onesies/CDs/disposable dipes/wipes/etc. we have/will need, etc... I could keep going, but I won't!).  It's normal, but MAN, it sure makes me feel crazy!!!

I'll update again soon - and geez, this blog has been lacking in the pictures department lately!  I'll try to remedy that, as well.

A Conversation with Eliza

--What kinds of things will baby do when she is born?

E: Baby will drink mama's milk

--What else will she do?

E: Pee and poop in her diaper.  Yeah, babies do that a lot.  Yeah.

--Where is baby now?

E: In there -- a uuuuterus.

--Do you have a uterus?

E: No.  No.

--Are you sure?

E: I'm a girl.

--So don't you have a uterus?

E: Yes!  And when I'm older I'll make babies in it.

--How will the baby get out?

E: From her pa-gina.

***

--So what will you do when baby sister comes out?

E: Just hold her! Yeah. She won't be able to walk. No. 

--What do babies do?

E: They just cry to tell us what they want. Like milky, I think.  I used to like milky a lot.  It was pretty good.  

[pause]

My mama is named Ella, and my Dada is named Andrew.

Wednesdays are rough.

Dear Eliza,

We've had a rocky path to walk lately, you and me.  Some days there is nothing but blue sky and birds singing, and we walk hand in hand and everything is dandy, but lately... it's been difficult more often than I'd like to admit.  Mommy has found herself frustrated with you.  Fists clenched, gritted teeth... talking to myself in order to calm myself down... Mommy has needed more 'breaks' than usual.

And, usually, Wednesdays are rough.  Don't know exactly why... but that's been our pattern.

I want to be a better Mom.  Maybe I'm still in denial that I can't be that perfect mom, but I really don't feel like I'm doing a very good job.  Sometimes, I know I am not doing a good job and know that you deserve better.  But people tell me that's not true.  That I love you and that's all that matters.  I'm trying to believe this.  Every day I try to tell myself this.

But still, I feel like I'm not doing enough - that you deserve better, more.

You are a lovely, perfectly imperfect three-year-old.  You are so strong, so smart, and so sweet at your core.  You just want to touch me and to sit near me and hold my hand as walk up the stairs together... and I take that for granted.  I cry as I sit here typing this, because I am ashamed and sad: I am thinking about how annoyed I was this morning when you insisted you sit next to me on the bench at breakfast... I just wanted to sit by myself and eat my cereal, and I knew you'd want to touch me and crowd my space while I ate (something that parenthood has led me to learn is one of my pet peeves).  And now I think what an awful thought that was to have.  That someday, I will want to give anything for you to sit next to me just to be with me... that someday, you will no longer want to.  How could I not realize this at the moment, and just appreciate your sweet presence?

I think about how frustrated it makes me that you won't go upstairs to go to the bathroom alone, and how if I go up without you, you get upset.  But you are just a little girl who has some very normal fears and apprehensions that maybe you can't yet put into words.  And that's normal, and it's understandable, and it is okay.  And yet, I mutter to myself under my breath "when will she be able to go up the stairs alone???", wishing away this precious, still-vulnerable time in your life... and regretting it the very next moment.

I am so sorry.  I love you so deeply that it honestly scares me.  I am paralyzed with feelings of sadness and fear when I think about something happening to you, or to me, or to your daddy.  I love this little family of ours so much that it is scary.  I don't know if that makes any sense, the feeling is hard to describe.

I know that the transition we are all about to go through will bring about major winds of change in our family.  I know I am likely underestimating the changes it will bring about in you.  If I think too much about it, sometimes it makes me want to rewind, pause, or even just stop.  I'm scared.  At the same time, I am sure that I'm underestimating the amazingly wonderful things it will bring - the happiness and joy that will come with it.  The opportunities for growth and learning that it will offer you, my dear girl.  So, I will sit back and trust in you, and trust in our family to get through this in one imperfect piece.

I love you.