Starting Over

Looking back at my goals for 2011, I realized that, while I met a few of them, I really didn't do so well overall.

I am still working on my Special topic paper (2nd of 2 prelims required for my Ph.D. program); I was hoping to have that finished and handed in in 2011.  Thanks to certain circumstances - some of which were in my control, some of which were not... I'm way behind and had to essentially start over at the beginning of November.  Honestly, I feel like a big fat failure on most days when I think about it.  What a way to start the year - by realizing you are in the exact same spot you were 365 days ago. It makes it hard to find the motivation to keep trudging on.  But, here I sit at the beginning of 2012, once again listing "Pass my Special" as a goal.  *sigh*

Okay, I just realized that I also listed "finish my coursework" as a 2011 goal, and I did do that.  So, there's something!

(But... "hammering out a plan for my dissertation"?  HA! And also: HAHAHA!)

Another 2011 goal was to focus more on my relationship with my husband.  I definitely think we did a good job here - we had many fun date nights, vacations, time as a family and time for just the two of us on the weekends... it was a good year in that respect.  And that, my friends, is huge.  We're not perfect, but we work at it and never take our marriage for granted.  And, we try to laugh and have as much fun as possible!

Being present in the moment and not worrying about what else I should be doing.  This is a constant battle but I think I am doing a lot to win this one.  I've stopped so many many times over the past 12 months to think how lucky I am in this moment... and in this one...and oh. Oh, this one is so good.  I marvel at my little girl, my little family, my extended family, my friends.  I love it all, I soak it up and cherish it.  I file things away in my mind, take pictures, and try to memorize each day because they are so so good.  And I live in the moment as best as I can and as often as I can.  So yeah, even though I do sometimes need work to be vigilant about this one, I think I'm doing okay.

Building up our savings account.  Uhhhhhhhh, yeah no.  Let's break this down: funding slashed = lost my job = down to one income = had to take out loans for school = depleted savings account.  FUN TIMES.  We're definitely hanging on to that "money can't buy happiness" idea.  It really is true, I know it, I live it.  But it does buy longterm financial security! ;)

Taking more time for me.  Hm.  This is a tricky one.  Yes and no, I guess.  I definitely got my fair share of mani/pedis, facials, salon appointments last year... yeah, I have been fairly well groomed and spa'ed (I know that is totally not a word, btw) lately.  But... I haven't taken the time to take care of my physical self like I need to.  Exercise - it's the one thing that falls by the wayside.  I made time for school work, for relaxing and enjoying "me" time in ways that involve going to the spa, seeing friends, catching up on my favorite shows (Mad Men, Weeds, Grey's, Project Runway, Up All Night)... but finding time to get regular, real, exercise?  Nope.  And I have the extra 10 pounds to prove it (the 10 pounds that I lost after losing the baby weight in 2010.  GO ME.)

I just reread this post and... it's sort of depressing!  So I'll end it on a good note:

In 2011, I had all that I needed.  I had the health and love and support of a wonderful family, I was content, and I was grateful.

2012, this is all that I need from you.