I read this great, honest post this evening written by another mama. It's not long, but it spoke volumes to me. I soooo relate to the content of this particular post (ah, the all-night-latched-babe, I know it ohsowell), and the author writes so beautifully about her baby and about being a mama. Her words are so gentle and sweet... she writes about doubt - and oh boy can I relate. There are so many doubts we have as mothers. Is this okay? Is this the right decision? Am I doing the right thing by... oh, there are sooo many things I could write here. And so, we do what we can; we try out best. I try my best.
And she writes of balance. Of taking care of mama, not just baby. Her words say it better than I can: "Motherhood is all about the careful balance between nurturing my children with my whole self and maintaining that whole self so I can nurture."
I just really liked reading her words. And, I think part of it was because this paragraph reminded me so very much of my girl. This is SO her:
"Last night I really paid attention to Ruby while she nursed. Bright eyes, porcelain cheeks, big ol’ smile while gulping. She kicks her outside leg straight up and then bicycles her jammied foot up and down. She reaches up and feels my chin and collar bone. Sometimes she grabs a fistful of skin . She bounces around, pauses to flirt and giggle and then dives back in. Alive, breathing, hungry, growing, inquisitive, hopeful."
She is so right... to nurse a babe so alive, so happy, so excited... it is a joy.
More to the point of her post... the sleeping. We were there, too: the hourly-waking, constant nursing overnight. It was hard, but I knew it was only temporary, and it was what she needed. But I questioned: "am I doing the right thing?"... by letting her nurse so often overnight? ...by responding to every cry? Though, I'm quite certain, if we were doing the opposite and not allowing her to nurse on demand overnight, the same question would plague us - is this a curse of parenthood?
Anyway, it's getting better. We're working on it... the sleeping, the having patience, the second-guessing ourselves. We'll get there. She will get there. Gently. Slowly. And we're okay with that.
But it's true about balance. It's important.