Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Things I don't want to forget...

I've been working on this post for a while... trying to get down in writing all the things I don't want to forget... knowing that I am forgetting some thanks to the haze that comes over me when I look into her beautiful eyes; the way she smiles at me that makes my mind go to mush -- I sit down at the computer and often find it hard to recall what it was I sat down to do. Ah, motherhood! It is - overwhelmingly so - the best job.

SO, this post might be more for me - so that I can go back to this later on... forgive me if it's disjointed and not very well written!

How she wakes up in the morning. She stretches both her arms above her head with her little fists clenched tightly, and she makes these little stretchy-grunty noises. It's pretty funny. And she looks very grumpy that she just woke up, her eyes all squinty and her brow furrowed. It's so cute!

How she falls asleep when she's in the sling or the moby. I *LOVE LOVE LOVE* this. She is so warm and cuddly. I put my cheek against her head and just breathe in her beautiful baby smell. It's a wonderfully peaceful time and makes me forget about everything else in the world.

The way she stares at her cow picture above her changing table. Seriously, that thing is like baby crack. She'll coo at it, smile at it, talk to it... it's apparently WAY more interesting than we are!

How she SLEEPS. She sleeps. Thank GOD she sleeps. We get into bed around 10:00 and usually don't get out of bed until 9:00 or 10:00 the next morning. YES, she wakes up every 3-4 hours to nurse (closer to every 2 hours after about 5:00 am), but then she goes right back to sleep. THANK YOU, dear daughter of mine. You know me well, and you know how important sleep is to mama...

How her tiny thighs are getting not-so-tiny. Mama's milk has given her some mighty adorable thigh rolls. I love them, each cushy one. Oh, and she's also got a bit of a buddha belly going on! I make sure to give it raspberry kisses frequently - just doing my job.

The way she nurses soooo vigorously, and if she accidentally delatches before she's finished, she wildly turns her head back and forth looking for the nip.ple, her arm flailing as though to say "Noooooo! Just kidding! I wasn't done, come baaaaaaaaaaaack!". Oh, and sometimes she makes a similar (but just a bit more excited) motion when she's just starting to nurse, too. It's so cute, I can tell she's excited. I call her 'The Bo.ob Wrangler' when she does this - it's like she's taming the bo.ob as if it's a wild animal. "Child," I tell her, "it's right there and IT'S NOT MOVING. YOU ARE." And then I chuckle as she grunts and waves and wriggles about until she finally finds IT - that ever illusive nipple (not).

Her snorts. She is a snorter, just like - unfortunately - me. Though she rivals even me in volume and frequency. It's when she wakes up, when she is starting to cry, when she is frustrated... it's too funny!

The way she rests her little head on my bo.ob when she's finished nursing at night. So precious. She comes off when she's done eating, lifts her head up a little and puts it down like my bo.ob is a pillow. This is usually how we sleep. Tummy to tummy, using mommy's rack as a pillow.

How she smiles when I make faces at her. Or make funny noises with my mouth. Or sing to her... she's turning into such a happy baby, and it's so amazing to watch. The transformation from newborn to infant is a magical time, I think. It's tough at times - there is fussiness that cannot be explained or soothed easily - but it is so beautiful to watch your child grow from a tiny squishy inward-focused little creature to a being who recognizes her world, explores her surroundings and finally - finally - realizes YOU are THERE. I remember the first time she really looked at me and smiled at me (instead of just smiling at the wall or her cow). Tears welled in my eyes and I said "There's someone in there!". It was so changing. We connected - for a second in time, we connected for the first time.

Oh, and yesterday she started staring at her feet. It's like she just realized they're there. Not sure she realizes that they are attached to her yet... but she was looking at them quite intently yesterday.

I'm sure there will be more posts like this - she does so much every day, and I worry I will forget. The guilt - OH THE GUILT - of not writing down every single thing in a baby book (don't get me started on the baby book subject...). Of fearing that these milestones will be forgotten, lost in the busyness of life. OH THE GUILT! (So if anyone has any advice - and if anyone actually made it through this entire novel of a post - I'd be happy to hear it!)


just me, dawn said...

I have no advice for you, but I think writing it down like this is the first step....it is hard to imagine forgetting, but there is so much to remember.

Abby said...

well, i'm sure you're not surprised to know that neither of my kiddos have baby books . . . yet . . . or maybe ever. bad mama, huh? =) but i did the same thing: lots of furiously-written lists of "don't want to forget" . . . and actually, your post brought back memories of some of those similar moments, too, so i don't think you ever really forget . . . . .

nancy said...

I do the same thing. A little assvice is to tag the posts where you put in these things too. I tag all my post about thing like this with "milestones" which makes it so easy for me to bring up and fill out his baby book and/or journal.

nancy said...

I hit enter too fast.

Just wanted to say that reading all of these things made my heart swell for you. The beauty of motherhood is just overwhelming, isn't it?

Alyssa said...

This was so touching to read, I actually teared up. After all you have been through during your TTC journey, these moments must be that much better.

The only advice I have to hang on to these moments is take lots and lots of pictures and videos.

Jessica said...

Such a cutie! I love hearing this kind of stuff. Things I have to remember to do when our LO is born.

just me, dawn said...

the etsy shop for the booties was funkyshapes, they have tons of them, I know you are talented and make them yourself :)

B MoM said...

U put into words almost all of my sentiments about kaua. Great post!

Eliza's Stats

Birth: 8 lbs 5 ozs
Going home: 7 lbs 10 ozs
5 days: 7 lbs 13 ozs
2 months: 12 lbs 6 ozs
4 months: 17 lbs
5 months: 18 lbs 12 ozs
6 months: 20 lbs 13 ozs
9 months: 24 lbs 3 ozs
12 months: 26 lbs 13 ozs
15 months: 28 lbs
18 months: 29 lbs 3 ozs
2 years: 32 lbs
3 years: 34 lbs

Alice's Stats

Birth: 8 lbs 11 oz
2 Months: 13 lbs 10 oz
4 Months: 17 lbs 15 oz
6 Months: 20 lbs 4 oz