Big Girl Beds and Babies

Eliza is getting her big girl bed next weekend, and she is very excited.  We've been talking about it for a while, and she has been saying how she is going to sleep in it ALL NIGHT LONG, MAMA! Okay, honey, we'll see!  

We've also been talking about babies - we know a few babies, siblings of some of her toddler friends - and she is quite enamored with them.  Hubby has started asking her if she wants a baby to come live in our house (OMG no I'm not pregnant), mostly to see her reaction when he asks his follow-up question: "would you share your milky with a baby brother or sister?".  Usually she says "no", or, more specifically, "no that's MINE'S!".  But more recently she's been getting a bit more on board with the whole big girl concept and is changing her mind.  

I got a little bit of this conversation on video today and she even went so far as to explain where a baby would sleep.  So cute.  She definitely understands baby things vs. big girl things and I'm hoping this will eventually lead to the promised sleeping in her bed ALL NIGHT LONG, MAMA!  Until then... we're good (baby steps, right?).

Do People Think I'm Weird? Probably.

Scene: Buying a new nursing bra today at Mother.hood Maternity. At the checkout counter. 
Cast of characters: Me, Eliza, Cashier

Cashier: "When are you due?"
Me: "Oh I'm not pregnant. Just nursing."
Cashier: "..." She looks at Eliza (who is at this exact moment walking up to me carrying a rather large sign advertising 2 for $20 t-shirts), then back at me, confused.

Oh. Right! Most people do not associate a nursing mother with a toddler.  It just did not compute in her brain.  No biggie, I know it's a little different to most people.

Me: "Um. Yeah, I'm still nursing this one."
Cashier: "Oh..."

It was so awkward!  She really didn't know what to say to me after that - and I totally wasn't offended or anything, in fact she hid her surprise/shock/real reaction quite well and was not rude... but I could tell my answer caught her off guard.

It is definitely starting to feel like people are looking at me like "WTF!!??" when they find out Eliza is still nursing.  *sigh*  It's to the point that I don't really offer up this piece of information when I'm in certain company.  It's just easier that way.

What are they going to think when she's still nursing at THREE??!!  'Cuz this one does not show any signs of slowing down... Eliza and her milky are like *THIS*!

2 years, 1 day...

...and still going strong!

How Long?

"How long do you plan on breastfeeding?"  

This is a question I was asked recently.  By a (near)stranger.  Um... really?  Is this something we are asking people now?  

Anyway, I guess the question itself wouldn't have bothered me if I didn't feel as though it was asked with undertones of "you aren't going to breastfeed her until she's, like, 4, right?" 

This question has always bothered me...the idea that there is an age at which all babies/toddlers should stop breastfeeding is...ridiculous.  Right?  I mean, why should someone else tell me or my child when we should be done nursing?  And frankly, why on earth would someone else care?  I don't get it.

The fact of the matter is, she is not going to be breastfeeding in high school.  Or even in junior high.  Or elementary school (well, probably not, lol ;).  So, what's the big deal?  Why is it so weird for a 2, 3, 4+ year old to still want to nurse once in a while?  

Even if it's not for you and your family, why comment or judge others?  

Child-led weaning is not for every woman, every family... and that is my point, I guess.  The decisions you make will be different than mine.  But so what?  Why can't we all just make our own decisions about what's right for our own family without judgement or questioning?

I know that there will come a day when Eliza (or any toddler) is no longer interested in nursing; one day, she will decide she is done and she will wean.  I don't know when that day will be, and so, Stranger With the Inappropriately Personal Question, I can't answer your query.  Although, based on what I know about my dear girl, my guess is that it won't be this year, and it probably won't even be next year... but it will happen (so don't worry).

But really, for us, the question was inaccurate - the question really isn't how long am *I* going to/plan to breastfeed my daughter... the question in this situation is how long does Eliza want to continue nursing?  

So, I guess I should have answered her by saying: "ask Eliza!". 

Wordless Wednesday: Nursing on the Shore of Lake Superior

Lactivists, (L)activate!

[Hahahaha.  I'm chuckling over my title.  Heheheh...]

Just a quick post tonight - wanted to pass on two links to a set of blog posts I found interesting!

I've been interested in breastfeeding rights, promotion, cultural acceptance, etc. (A REAL SHOCKER, I KNOW), long before I actually started breastfeeding (I blame it on my Mom - thanks Mom!)  I'm very interested in helping to promote breastfeeding without being divisive or judgmental; without blame or guilt and WITH compassion, support and understanding.

So, as a "breastfeeding advocate", these two posts piqued my interest.

Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates SHOULD Say

Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates should STOP saying

I think the author does a great job capturing the positive, supportive spirit that we should offer women - ANY woman - who may want to breastfeed, those who aren't sure if they can/want to, those who want more information about breastfeeding, and even for those women who don't end up breastfeeding (whether it be by choice or whether they are physically unable to do so).

Take a look!

Nursing a Toddler, or, Nursing as a Contact Sport

"Extended breastfeeding", or, just plain old "nursing a toddler" sure is a hot topic these days.  Why, you ask?  Well, I'm not quite sure... but opinions and insults are flung back and forth in the blogosphere between those mommies who "parent-wean", and those who "child-wean".  Basically, do you decide to actively take steps to wean your baby at the common, culturally/socially/what-have-you 12 month mark (or at some other point, maybe before or after 12 months)?  Or do you go off the res and continue to breastfeed until baby weans his or her self? That is, until they just don't show much interest and stop asking to nurse, or, they are just too busy, or they find comfort in other things (if they were ever a comfort nurser which not all babies are), etc., which could happen anytime up to about age... 20?  Haha, I'm just kidding.  The average natural weaning age for humans has been shown to be anywhere between 2 and 7 years of age (American Academy of Family Physicians, 2008).  I think, however, that the term "extended breastfeeding" applies to nursing beyond 12 months.  Of course there are shades of grey here, and it's not an all-or-nothing (all parent or all baby-led) situation by any means, but that's the gist.

Anyway, it's a hot topic.  If you don't believe me, go google it and you will find yourself in the middle of a tornado of controversy, complete with lots of unfortunate flaming between mommy bloggers.  It's sad.  Don't get me started on mommy bloggers and flaming.  Can't we all just get along?

We are nearing the 18 month mark with our dear Eliza, and nursing is still her #1 favorite hobby.  Heheh.  Okay I might be exaggerating.  But seriously?  This girl is downright giddy about nursing.

So what's it like?  I was just asked about this by a friend and school colleague the other day who also had a baby in grad school (yes, it wasn't just me!), and it got me thinking about how different it is than nursing a teeny baby.

Overall, BFing a toddler has been and is so much fun.  Eliza really understands what's going on and how to ask for milk, and is starting to "play" somewhat at the breast, which is so so cute.  For example, she'll pop off and look up at me and make a face, and then pop back on, or she'll pop off and go run around the room for 30 seconds and then climb back in my lap and continue to nurse.  I love it, and I'm happy to oblige her in her games - most of the time, at least :)  She also has started to nurse her baby dolls as well as bring her baby dolls to me and ask me to nurse them (this is the cutest - she makes a little sucking sound when she does it too!).  She has gotten so polite lately that she now signs "milk", and then "please", and even "thank you" when she's done (not all the time, but often).

Of course there are definitely some things I miss about nursing my teeny tiny baby.  For one, nursing a toddler HURTS a lot more!  Eliza's nursing has become very physical; she kicks her legs and flails her arms around and boy is that girl STRONG.  Also, she has picked up the bad habit of pinching and grabbing at things with her free hand when she is nursing (favorite target these days is mama's other nipple.  Seriously??).  Also, her latch has gotten really lazy.  Gone are the days of the text book open mouth "fish lips" latch.  Her latch is so haphazard now, she just does whatever works.  She will often just feel around with her mouth until she finds what she thinks is probably the nipple, and then just SUCKS IN really hard.  Because, you know, as long as it's in the VICINITY, she'll get it into her mouth if she sucks hard enough, right?  OUCH!!!  Thankfully, I've gotten used to this and it doesn't hurt anymore.

We've been through a lot - rough patches of biting due to teething, biting for fun, times when she wanted to nurse pretty much every hour all day and wanted nothing to do with food, times when she would only nurse at nap and bedtime and put down a ton of food that day.  I've just tried to go with the flow and follow her lead.  Eliza was/is a baby who loved nursing very much.  She has continued to show interest in nursing, and she shows no signs of slowing.  We've nursed "on demand" since day one and the demand just hasn't slowed down.  So, here we are!

I wanted to write about nursing a toddler because I know there are probably lots of moms doing it and lots of moms who are thinking of doing it, but don't know much about it because it is still considered taboo in our mainstream culture.  I love it, and Eliza loves it, so we continue to do it.  If one of us started hating it, we'd stop.  So, do what works for you.  Don't let other people or society or our culture pressure you to either continue breastfeeding or to wean your baby before you are ready.

Scattered thoughts...on sleep, but not really...

Hi.

I read this great, honest post this evening written by another mama.  It's not long, but it spoke volumes to me.  I soooo relate to the content of this particular post (ah, the all-night-latched-babe, I know it ohsowell), and the author writes so beautifully about her baby and about being a mama.  Her words are so gentle and sweet...  she writes about doubt - and oh boy can I relate.  There are so many doubts we have as mothers.  Is this okay?  Is this the right decision?  Am I doing the right thing by... oh, there are sooo many things I could write here.  And so, we do what we can; we try out best.  I try my best.

And she writes of balance.  Of taking care of mama, not just baby.  Her words say it better than I can: "Motherhood is all about the careful balance between nurturing my children with my whole self and maintaining that whole self so I can nurture."  

I just really liked reading her words.  And, I think part of it was because this paragraph reminded me so very much of my girl.  This is SO her:

"Last night I really paid attention to Ruby while she nursed. Bright eyes, porcelain cheeks, big ol’ smile while gulping. She kicks her outside leg straight up and then bicycles her jammied foot up and down. She reaches up and feels my chin and collar bone. Sometimes she grabs a fistful of skin . She bounces around, pauses to flirt and giggle and then dives back in. Alive, breathing, hungry, growing, inquisitive, hopeful."

She is so right... to nurse a babe so alive, so happy, so excited... it is a joy.

More to the point of her post... the sleeping.  We were there, too: the hourly-waking, constant nursing overnight.  It was hard, but I knew it was only temporary, and it was what she needed.  But I questioned: "am I doing the right thing?"... by letting her nurse so often overnight? ...by responding to every cry?  Though, I'm quite certain, if we were doing the opposite and not allowing her to nurse on demand overnight, the same question would plague us - is this a curse of parenthood?  

Anyway, it's getting better.  We're working on it... the sleeping, the having patience, the second-guessing ourselves.  We'll get there.  She will get there.  Gently.  Slowly.  And we're okay with that.  

But it's true about balance.  It's important.

"So for God's sake..."

It's World Breastfeeding Week!  In honor of this week devoted to promoting and supporting breastfeeding, I wanted to share an interesting article I read today about yet another benefit of breastfeeding that is being studied at UC Davis - this time it's a protective bacteria that coats the infant's intestines (As one researcher said: "Mothers are recruiting another life-form to baby-sit their baby"! Researcher-humor is always HILARIOUS, OF COURSE.)


I think my favorite quote was the very last line: "So for God’s sake, please breast-feed".  Ha!  Love it.


Go here to read it!

Nursing Covers?

I think motherhood (and, um, the whole GIVING BIRTH thing, too) has made me less modest, and a whole lot more opinionated - especially when it comes to breastfeeding my babe.

But... it sometimes feels like the rest of the world is becoming more conservative.  Just recently, I read in the newspaper that a woman was asked to cover up while she nursed her baby in a restaurant - it is completely illegal in my state to ask this of a woman (or to ask a nursing mom to leave), btw.  When she refused, and after her husband had some words for the management, they were asked to leave.

REALLY?  Really, people?

I used to use a nursing cover when I nursed Eliza out of the house - in restaurants, at the mall, etc... I used it for other people's benefit, not my own and certainly not Eliza's.  She stated hating it; she would sweat and get annoyed by the fabric over her head.  So, I decided to stop using it.  I just do NOT care what people think anymore, and let me tell you, IT IS FREEING.  I'm feeding my baby, and I'm actually doing it in a fairly discreet manner - I wear a nursing tank underneath my shirt, so my tummy is covered and the top of my chest is covered, and really, Eliza's head covers any skin that might be showing... Anyway, the truth is, I wouldn't care even if - OHTHEHORROR - my skin were to show.  I am SO proud to nurse Eliza; it is a beautiful, wonderful, nurturing act, so why was I hiding it?  When I was using the nursing cover, I felt like I was saying "this is something I am ashamed of", when I really wanted to be saying "I nurse my child and I am so happy and proud to be doing it".

Now.  This is just ME.  I'm not saying anything about other women who choose to use a nursing cover - I get that some people are uncomfortable nursing without a cover, and that's why nursing covers are a great thing for some nursing mamas.  They just aren't for me!

So, if you see me IRL, you might accidentally catch a glimpse of bo.ob.  If it makes you uncomfortable, I won't be offended if you choose to look away :O)

ETA:  OH.  You MUST go read this article that Aletta directed me to: http://www.kidcityny.com/breastfeeding-in-the-land-of-genghis-khan/
It is a wonderful article and will even have you laughing.  If you're like me, you'll be wishing Americans could be a little more like Mongolians once in a while... 

Answers - Part Two

Today my baby girl is 4 months old!  And I just can't believe it.  I mean... there are no words.  Seriously.  It's unbelievable to me that she is 4 whole months old.  I'll have to write a separate post about Eliza and her fabulousness at 4 months old... for now, I have a few last questions to answer!

Ash asks:
1) What has most surprised you about motherhood?
Hm.  I think what has most surprised me about motherhood is how easy it has been.  Don't get me wrong, it's been hard at times, too.  We've had ups and downs (and then, sometimes, even more downs...), but really, it's been a surprisingly smooth journey so far and I have just loved every minute of it.  This little being is my life; I shift and reframe and mold my life to fit hers right now, and there is so much beauty in that... she has brought me so much peace.  So yeah, that surprised me.  Maybe what I'm saying is my reaction to motherhood surprised me.  I feel very at ease, and more calm than I have felt in a long time.


2) How has your husband most surprised you?
Oh.  Oh my dear, sweet, strong, supportive, loving, caring, amazing husband.  He has not stopped surprising me since the day Eliza was born.  I hope this doesn't come off sounding like I had low expectations for him, because my expectations were actually quite high for him as we entered parenthood together... but oh how he has exceeded any and all expectations.  The way he loves on his baby girl, the gentle way he cares for her as he changes diapers, bathes her, dresses her, reads her books... and I love the way he totes her around the kitchen teaching her about the different types of fruit in the fruit bowl ... oh the completely overwhelming, fierce love and protection he feels.  I feel so lucky to be able to watch him father Eliza.  He teaches me so much.  I knew he would be a great dad, but I never imagined he would be this great!


Suzie asks: What are your "must have" item recommendations for a new mama?
Fun question, Suzie!  There actually have been a few products that have come in handy as a new mom...

• This Camelback water bottle - as a nursing mama, it's hard to reach down to my coffee table to pick up a glass of water and then put it back down without spilling it... but it's important to drink a TON of water while nursing... so this water bottle is the perfect tool.  The "bite valve" is the key - there's no top to unscrew, so you only need one hand to drink from it, which is perfect to use while nursing, and it doesn't spill when you have to quickly throw it down on the couch cushion next to you because you have to help your baby who just came off your nip.ple and is now trying to find it and suck it back into her mouth with the force of a hoover, but she keeps missing it and so she's just sucking the skin right next to the nip.ple and OMIGOD PLEASE STOP IT HURTS SO MUCH.
• Baby-wearing devices! - these have been a godsend for me.  Fortunately, Eliza loves them, so we use them a ton.  They have allowed me to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner, and - yes - pee, all while "holding" Eliza - handsfree!  Once, I even shoveled snow and cleared my car off while wearing her!  My favorite one for when babies are itty-bitty is the Kangaroo Korner Pouch. I'm still using it now, it has a hip carry and a "kangaroo carry" for bigger babies, and Eliza loves it because she can really look around and see things when I wear her in it now. Also, it's a cinch to get on and off, which makes it perfect for quick trips into stores and such.  My other favorite is the Moby Wrap.  She falls right asleep when I put her in that thing!  It's great.  And it provides the best back support for me out of all my carriers, I think.  I've probably blogged about this before, but yeah, baby-wearing is one of my most favorite things! :)  
• A nursing tank top + some sort of zip-up sweatshirt/hoodie.  This is my standard nursing mama uniform.  I wear one of my two nursing tanks under a zip up hoodie or sweater.  Like, all day.  Every day.  It's perfect, especially for the wintertime.  I can just unzip and nurse easily, without exposing my belly.  It's perfect for at night, too; it makes side-nursing easier because I don't have to hike up a shirt in order for her to nurse, which would get in Eliza's face and prevent me from seeing her.  I'm actually curious - what do you nursing mamas out there prefer as your every day attire to provide easy access?  
• Bottle warmer - I asked my husband which item is most essential as a daddy, and he said the bottle warmer, hands down.  For those (albeit RARE) occasions when Eliza takes a bottle from daddy, the bottle warmer is handy because SPEED is key.  It heats up bottles really fast, which is important when you have a hungry baby screeching for mama's milk!  I know my parents have appreciated having this around when they babysit, too.  
• Lastly, I have to make sure my beloved i.Pod Touch makes the list.  As a nursing mama - and especially in the early days when we pretty much nursed ALL. DAY. LONG. - this is always by my side.  I'm kinda-sorta addicted to Teh Internets, and this allows me to be connected to my email, face.book, etc... at the touch of a finger, and I only need one hand to use it.  Also, the games you can download are great, and it doubles as a nightlight in the middle of the night, and it makes a great clock/alarm clock/timer, too.  I swear, I don't work for Apple...I just volunteer ;)

Answers - Part One!

Wow, you guys, I didn't think I'd get so many questions!  Thanks!  Oh this is fun!  Here are the first few I managed to finish while Eliza napped today (please feel free to leave more questions in the comments of the original post if you want to!):


Jen asks: What is something you know now that you wish you would've known right away when you got home from the hospital to make your daily lives run more smoothly???  This might not be the kind of answer you were hoping for..... but here ye be: That everything is going to be OKAY, and to relax a little bit with the feelings of OMIGODWHATIFIDOITALLWRONG???  What I mean is... I wish I could go back and tell myself that - hey - if it WORKS for you, and you feel good about it, just do it, and don't feel guilty.  Don't worry about what some book says you should be doing.  Don't worry about what your mother/step-grandmother/friend's mother-in-law/whathaveyou says.  There is absolutely - hands-down - more than one way to do something, and there is NO right way to do it - just one right way for your family.  So, if it WORKS for you to have your baby sleep in his crib - GREAT!  If it works for you to have your baby sleep in your bed with you - PERFECT!  If it works for you to have your baby sleep in a tree fort in the BACKYARD - well... that's weird, but OKAY.  I wish I would have - right from the beginning - followed my instinct and not questioned it or second guessed it.  It would've helped me feel better about things and I think the first few weeks would have gone a little more smoothly.


Alyssa asks: 


1) Do you feel like your roll of "mommy" has completely taken over, or do you still feel like Ella?  Good question.  I hear many women say that the role of "mommy" takes over and their own sense of self goes away... I can honestly say that I still feel like myself.  I definitely take this seriously; in order to be a good mom to Eliza, I know that it's important to keep my sense of self, of who *I* am, and to get "me" time.  So, yes, I feel like I still am Ella, but I know that it would be easy to slip into being only Eliza's Mommy if I didn't make sure to carve out some time to keep me ME: Eliza's Mommy, and Ella.


2) How has your relationship changed with your husband (if at all)?  I really don't think our relationship itself has changed, per se, but it is definitely true that we have had to change how we "do" us... hm... that sounded weird.  I mean, we've had to re-negotiate how to be a happy married couple and happy parents at the same time, and to do both of those things well.  My husband and I have always believed that our marital relationship is priority #1 (okay, it's mostly been ME telling HIM why this is true and HIM believing me) - that it should come before kids, because if we don't work on our relationship, it might not be there in the future.  And so, we take time.  We have always done this, but now it's a little more challenging to find time.  But we look for it, and we take it when we see it.  We take the time after Eliza goes to sleep (and before we do) - some nights it's 2 hours, some nights it's 5 minutes.  We leave Eliza with my parents for an hour and go to the great little Thai place in our neighborhood for dinner once in a while.  Or we run errands together on Sundays and chat as we grocery shop or buy cat litter.  So yeah, in that way, our relationship has had to change - there aren't as many overtly romantic, easy opportunities to work on us.


Wendy asks:


1) How have your parents and IL been as grandparents? Grandparents are THE BEST.  My parents live nearby, so they have been able to help us out with Eliza, which has been soooooo wonderful.  They love watching her and are just great with her, it is really amazingly cool to see my parents in their new roles.  My ILs live about 3 hours away so we haven't been able to see them as often, and my MIL broke her foot so it's been hard for her to travel recently, and with Eliza's declaration of WWIII on her car seat, a drive that long hasn't been very realistic... (though we are hoping to drive there for Easter now that now Eliza has started to - OMG YOU WON'T EVEN BELIEVE THIS - sleep in her car seat once in a while (but only if we put her in it around nap time)).  But we send them photos and I'm sure she'll see them more often this Summer.  Eliza is so very very loved by her grandparents, she is a lucky girl.

2) Have there been any IL issues?  No, and in fact there haven't been many family issues in general - on either side!  People really seem to think we're doing a good job as parents (imagine THAT!), so we haven't gotten many you're-doing-it-wrong comments from anyone.


Dawn asks: How has breastfeeding been going?  Oh I'm so glad someone asked this.  I haven't had any issues BFing, it has been going really really well.  I love love LOVE it.  I know some women struggle with BFing so I consider myself very lucky.  I had a cracked nip.ple really early on, but once that went away, we've been great!  It is a very special part of our day.  Eliza loves it, too :)  She's a great nurser.  She's still nursing about 10 times a day or so.  Honestly, I can't say enough about it... it's just... the most perfect experience.  I have always wanted to do extended BFing (my mom did with both me and my brother), so hopefully Eliza will want that too!


(omg the spacing in this post is driving me crazy!)

Things I don't want to forget...

I've been working on this post for a while... trying to get down in writing all the things I don't want to forget... knowing that I am forgetting some thanks to the haze that comes over me when I look into her beautiful eyes; the way she smiles at me that makes my mind go to mush -- I sit down at the computer and often find it hard to recall what it was I sat down to do. Ah, motherhood! It is - overwhelmingly so - the best job.

SO, this post might be more for me - so that I can go back to this later on... forgive me if it's disjointed and not very well written!

How she wakes up in the morning. She stretches both her arms above her head with her little fists clenched tightly, and she makes these little stretchy-grunty noises. It's pretty funny. And she looks very grumpy that she just woke up, her eyes all squinty and her brow furrowed. It's so cute!

How she falls asleep when she's in the sling or the moby. I *LOVE LOVE LOVE* this. She is so warm and cuddly. I put my cheek against her head and just breathe in her beautiful baby smell. It's a wonderfully peaceful time and makes me forget about everything else in the world.

The way she stares at her cow picture above her changing table. Seriously, that thing is like baby crack. She'll coo at it, smile at it, talk to it... it's apparently WAY more interesting than we are!

How she SLEEPS. She sleeps. Thank GOD she sleeps. We get into bed around 10:00 and usually don't get out of bed until 9:00 or 10:00 the next morning. YES, she wakes up every 3-4 hours to nurse (closer to every 2 hours after about 5:00 am), but then she goes right back to sleep. THANK YOU, dear daughter of mine. You know me well, and you know how important sleep is to mama...

How her tiny thighs are getting not-so-tiny. Mama's milk has given her some mighty adorable thigh rolls. I love them, each cushy one. Oh, and she's also got a bit of a buddha belly going on! I make sure to give it raspberry kisses frequently - just doing my job.

The way she nurses soooo vigorously, and if she accidentally delatches before she's finished, she wildly turns her head back and forth looking for the nip.ple, her arm flailing as though to say "Noooooo! Just kidding! I wasn't done, come baaaaaaaaaaaack!". Oh, and sometimes she makes a similar (but just a bit more excited) motion when she's just starting to nurse, too. It's so cute, I can tell she's excited. I call her 'The Bo.ob Wrangler' when she does this - it's like she's taming the bo.ob as if it's a wild animal. "Child," I tell her, "it's right there and IT'S NOT MOVING. YOU ARE." And then I chuckle as she grunts and waves and wriggles about until she finally finds IT - that ever illusive nipple (not).

Her snorts. She is a snorter, just like - unfortunately - me. Though she rivals even me in volume and frequency. It's when she wakes up, when she is starting to cry, when she is frustrated... it's too funny!

The way she rests her little head on my bo.ob when she's finished nursing at night. So precious. She comes off when she's done eating, lifts her head up a little and puts it down like my bo.ob is a pillow. This is usually how we sleep. Tummy to tummy, using mommy's rack as a pillow.

How she smiles when I make faces at her. Or make funny noises with my mouth. Or sing to her... she's turning into such a happy baby, and it's so amazing to watch. The transformation from newborn to infant is a magical time, I think. It's tough at times - there is fussiness that cannot be explained or soothed easily - but it is so beautiful to watch your child grow from a tiny squishy inward-focused little creature to a being who recognizes her world, explores her surroundings and finally - finally - realizes YOU are THERE. I remember the first time she really looked at me and smiled at me (instead of just smiling at the wall or her cow). Tears welled in my eyes and I said "There's someone in there!". It was so changing. We connected - for a second in time, we connected for the first time.

Oh, and yesterday she started staring at her feet. It's like she just realized they're there. Not sure she realizes that they are attached to her yet... but she was looking at them quite intently yesterday.

I'm sure there will be more posts like this - she does so much every day, and I worry I will forget. The guilt - OH THE GUILT - of not writing down every single thing in a baby book (don't get me started on the baby book subject...). Of fearing that these milestones will be forgotten, lost in the busyness of life. OH THE GUILT! (So if anyone has any advice - and if anyone actually made it through this entire novel of a post - I'd be happy to hear it!)

Lost

Just in case anyone was wondering... less than one month left until the Lost premiere!!!!!!!!

Speaking of lost... I haven't been able to put together a coherent blog post yet since the new year, so this post might have a big of a lost feeling to it... bullets seemed appropriate, so here we go.

• Eliza is smiling now! Real, beautiful, heart-melting smiles. They aren't predictable yet, they seem somewhat random, so you can usually find us staring down at her doing crazy things just to try to get another one out of her. So far, funny mouth noises and happy faces seem to work... admittedly, we HAVE tried a little Sir-Mix-A-Lot, á la Friends... just for fun ;)

• Hubby and I went to a great NYE party - we left E with my parents for the evening (and 4 ozs of EBM) and she did great. We stayed aaaaall the way 'til 10pm! Yeah, I know, we're out of control. It really must stop.

• We went to see Sherlock Holmes today. There's a theater nearby that does "Movies for Moms and Dads" on Tuesdays. It's AWESOME. Every Tuesday, the first showing of the day for each movie is a special screening that is baby-friendly. They leave the lights dim (instead of turning them off), the sound is turned down (just a bit), and babies are free to cry and coo and nurse to their hearts content without parents worrying about disrupting the movie. It's SO great! Eliza slept through most of the movie. She squawked a few times and I just nursed her or let her suck on my pinkie and she fell back asleep. I think I might go to a movie every Tuesday from now on!!

• My growing girl is growing... right out of her clothes! She's into all 0-3 months clothes now instead of newborn, and she's grown out of nearly all her size x-small cloth diapers, and into size small. The AIOs are still a little big on her so we'll wait to start using those until she's a little bigger. In disposables (which we use overnight and when we go out), she's wearing size 1.

• We picked up this awesome little product yesterday, on the recommendation of a friend. They really work! And, they are pretty cute, too. No more lost socks!

• Date night tonight - we're going to a new favorite restaurant - it's a tiny Thai place near our house. It's housed in an old Ember's or something, and so the ambience is pretty much non-existent, but the spring rolls are fantastic! Grandma and Grandpa are watching E.

• Oh, and it's apparently blog de-lurking week or some such thing... I heard this from a few other bloggers, so I'm joining in on the world-wide-blog de-lurking requests. Step up and introduce yourself. I promise, I don't bite (exception: my daughter's teeny tiny scrumptious toes!).

Gah, that post was all over the board!

Baby Bullets

• BFing is going better than I expected, and for this I am incredibly grateful. I love it. It's such a special time between Eliza and me. We are lucky that she is such a GREAT nurser.

• We visited Grandma (my mom) today at work and while we were there we put her on the baby scale - she's up to 8 lbs 10 ozs! Way to go, bo.obies!

• Eliza loves to move! I suppose most babies at this age do, but wow, movement is like an instant baby-crying-stopper. She especially likes the 'elevator' that daddy does with her - he holds her in both hands and lifts her up and down. Daddy's biceps love it, too ;-)

• On this note...I officially hate stoplights! She is content when the car is moving, but as soon as we stop moving, she gets a little mad at the world.

• Oh - quick plug for an awesome baby product that we love: the Cooshee Changer. It doesn't need a cover, it's made of some type of futuristic foam or something and you can just wipe it down with a baby wipe if (when) it gets various baby fluids on it! Heheh.

• I have been wearing Eliza a lot, and it is lovely. I have looked forward to doing that for so long, and the time is finally here. I have the K'Tan and the Moby, and I really like both of them. I'm starting to prefer the Moby as it provides a bit better back support for mama, but the K'Tan is great for a quicker in-and-out. Hoping to get an Ergo for when she is a bit older. I think that one will be great for hiking up North next summer.

• I know it is too early to say what 'kind' of baby Eliza is (content/quiet/fussy/good sleeper/not-so-good sleeper/etc...), after all, she is constantly changing right now - and frankly, I'm not one to label my child in that sort of way... but I will say that, so far, she's been a joy to take care of. Sure, she has her fussy time of day (often in the evening before bed), but generally she is easily soothed (see above re: Daddy's biceps) - as long as we keep on soothing her! She has some wonderful periods of quiet alert time, which are so much fun. That's when we do tummy time, or we talk to her, or we tour the house, or talk to her about all the fun things we're going to do when she gets a little bigger. Sometimes, we just stare at her as she takes in her world. We call it 'Baby TV' because we could just stare at her all day long.

• Sleeping at night: THIS I know will be an ever-changing animal, so just because it's been going well so far doesn't mean this pattern will necessarily continue... I will just count my blessings NOW... but really, we've been lucky in this department, I think (*knocks on wood*). She nurses before we go to sleep, and then she falls asleep and sleeps anywhere between 3 and 5 hours (last night we got 5 straight!), then nurses again, then falls asleep again for about 2-3 hours, wakes up and then nurses again (at this point it's usually the early morning and hubby is getting ready for work), and then will fall asleep for 1-2 hours again. We stay in bed until about 9 or 10, just nursing and dozing... and by the time we get out of bed, mom feels pretty rested! I also try to get a nap in during the day. This has worked really well for us, and I have felt surprisingly well rested (this coming from a former 10-hour-per-night sleeper). This was one of my greatest fears, as I NEED my sleep... so I am thankful that it has been going well. EVEN if it starts to not go so well, at least I've gotten some good sleep early on in her life (while I was/am still recovering and getting used to being a mom!). She still isn't loving her co-sleeper, so she's co-sleeping with us for the time being, but it's fine with us. In fact, we prefer it right now.

That's what's going on in our little world... I just had so many things running around my head that I wanted to say, I thought bullets were the way to go today. I'll leave you with a few pics from Thanksgiving.