You've heard three is worse than two, right?

Parenting a three year old is hard sometimes. News flash of the century, right? Not. 

I know, I know.  Duh, it's hard, Ella.  And, what, you're surprised?

But sometimes, parenting a three year old feels like a mind game that I will never win.  Forget winning - sometimes it feels like I don’t even know the rules of the game, and just when I start to figure them out, the rules change.

It’s likely that I have more challenging years ahead as a mom, but man, the drama and attitude, the mood swings and the testing this girl brings sometimes… it can be hard to deal with.  If I’m being honest, it is frustrating and can leave me feeling totally drained.  Feeling like a failure. The days get long sometimes (the days are long but the years are short - this is so true!).  In these last weeks of pregnancy, I find myself having a lot less patience with Eliza.  This, then, leads me to feel guilty and sad that I can’t keep it together – that I can’t be eternally patient, ever the understanding, sweet natured, calm mother.  I’m the adult; she’s the normally developing, often irrational toddler who lacks impulse control.  She's three. You're not.  Do better!

Everyone told me age three was worse than age two, and it's definitely been true for us.  She is so very aware, so incredibly smart, has a strong will, and an intense desire to seek out independence wherever she can find it.

And yet.

And yet, even as I sit and type this, I am thinking about all the sweet and lovely parts of living with a three year old.  The hilarious things she says, the "plans" she comes up with, the stories she tells, the games she plays with me.  Her brilliant mind and the astounding things it catches, remembers, and uses again - for evil and for good! - later.  

Most of the time, I love our days together.  This is my life.  This is my job, 24/7, and I do it because I love it and I feel like it's exactly where I want to be right now.  This is my life as a parent, and I don't have to let the hard parts overshadow the good parts.  It's all parenting - the good and the bad and the hard and the ugly.  It's all part of the work of being a mom, and for Eliza it's also part of the work of being a three year old.  We can have a difficult morning and still turn it around in time to have a happy, fun afternoon.  It's all in a day's work.  Some days are smoother than others, yes.  Some days I flee like a criminal as soon as my husband walks in the door, and sit in my car and cry (yes, this happened).  Then, I call my mom, and then I go to Dairy Queen, and then I go back home and try again.  I try harder, and I love more fiercely.  I listen to my mom, and my dear mama friends when they tell me I'm a good mom, when they boost me up and cheer me on and tell me they understand.  "Just love her", they tell me. "Just show her how much she is loved, and you're golden."

And oh, do I love her.  Unconditionally.  And that part is so easy.  

A Learner

We've been reading to Eliza since she was a tiny newborn.  Obviously, right?  So maybe it shouldn't have come as a surprise when she started asking what words meant or "how does that word sound mama?" when we'd read books or when she'd be looking at books quietly in her room.  Recently, we've started to notice her expressing frustration over the fact that she "can't read the words"; she is no longer content to just look at pictures.  At 3, we have on our hands a girl who desperately wants to learn to read.

What do I do with this child?!  I wondered.  How do I help her??

We talk about the alphabet constantly.  Of course she knows and sings the ABC song, loves identifying letters in words, and is now able to tell the sounds of nearly all 26 letters.  We answer her questions as she asks them, and help her learn as she wants to -- never actually instructing her in any real way, always remembering that kids at her age are absolutely ready to learn, but not so ready to be taught.

I asked about this in our ECFE class on Monday about this.  I wondered if anyone had any tips, suggestions, resources, books? I don't know - SOMETHING - to help me help her.  Because surely, I thought, surely I am not doing enough to help her.  She is voraciously eating up anything I tell her before I can think of what to even say next - could someone please recommend something I could do/buy/watch to help this child?  

Now -- I think this is an apt commentary on the state of what mothering in this culture and day and age does to a mama -- the mental mind games it creates -- because when the parent educator's response to me was simply: "Just keep doing what you're doing, Ella. Answer her questions. Read to her. What you are doing is enough", it was as if someone took my by the shoulders and shook me into an awareness of 'of course that's enough, what have I been thinking?'.  I was doubting my abilities to guide her, afraid I would actually somehow stifle this blossoming curiosity for words and reading and writing.  For learning.  Me.  Stepping back, I am ashamed.  Why did I think that (my master's degree and almost-PhD have got to be good for something, right?  Haha just kidding)? 

Of course I'm enough.  DUH, ELLA.

At the end of class, the ECFE parent educator told me something I think I will remember forever - or, at least I will remember the feelings -- the goosebumps, the immense pride, the feeling of responsibility -- it gave me when she said it.  

"Congratulations, you have yourself a learner."

I guess I do!